today I feel sore

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2003-01-30 @ 6:37 p.m.
ER anticipation plus the Poem

Hummm. Slightly fibro, fluish feeling the last few days. I wish I could stay home tomorrow but I have an appointment for an ER stop and get a few Trigger Point injections. Lidacane (spelling is suspect) anyway it is a small amount of muscle relaxant that is shot into the tight knot of the muscle spasm. Numbing it and allowing the muscle group to relax. AHHHH! Of course there is the associated soreness from the shots themselves but that only lasts a day or two of stiffness, soreness and then I feel much better.

Percocet, my perscripton drug for pain, never gives me a high of any kind. I use it only when needed and I think that burns off any pleasure except relief. When it works. When it doesn't I wait as long as I can and then go to the ER for shots. I really don't like the ER. Thats funny 'couse I used to work there. Well, in the hospital as a Pathology and lab assistant. So on occasion the lab would borrow me and I would trot in and take blood. I hated doing that to people who were already in pain.

Now I just hope there is a nurse on that I know. So many changes in the last few years and rotations to different areas. Leaving me with strangers. I guess if I came in more I would know these better. Oh well, it is in my nature to wait as long as possible. I always feel I should be bleeding or something, some outward show of pain. But I don't cry or throw up. I think that comes from meditation.*G* My blood pressure doesn't even come up a lot. I got sent home three times before they believed me when I had appendicitis(spelling again, where is my dictionary?). It almost burst. That was a long visit. I don't remember anything after the first ER visit. I guess I broke on the last one and had to be carried. Anyway, I had a nice long hospital visit.

So, I wish I had a better outward show. Fireworks maybe, or throwing up on a doctors shoes. Yeah, that might work.

Dale (my guy) is over tonight. That means percocet and valium so my body will respond like I want it too. Still, since I don't feel great, it won't be great. *Sigh* I really miss wild nights. I am not so mundane at heart.

Does everyone have a wildside lurking in their somewhere? I know I do, carefull cultivated and explored. Thankfull, I finally found someone who isn't scared off and/or threatedned by me. Of course I was hit by Fibro a few years ago which does tend to slow me down. But hey, thats wat gets a person inventive. *G* Life has it's momments.

"So your scared and thinking/That maybe we ain't that young anymore/Show a little faith/There's magic in the night." -Bruce Springsteen from "Thunder Road"

Bad Poem of The Day: Why I Hate The ER;Why I Wait too Long
The ER nurses are new today.Efficiently uncaring. I am not gasping for Air.
turning that particular shade of blue that is so unbecoming to any seasonal outfit
I am just in an invisable fog of pain.
I am Unworthy of anything other than their
Efficiency. No slight coveration
to make an uncomfortable patient more at ease. I can hear them at the desk
my room being across from the station.
Everyday comlaints, forms to fill out, so much paper work so little time, oh and somebody has to page the doctor for the patient in Rm 2, who was it now?
Me, it was me. I feel so cold, I hear them and I feel so cold. I wish for the blanket I forgot to ask for and no one offered. The nurses I know always remember how cold it is.
I shiver as I drag myself down from the bed and raise up its head so I can sit up. I get myself a gown, but I don't put it on yet. I am so cold.
I take off my sweater and hug it around myself
I am in pain and so cold. I feel a fraud and wish to be able to bleed.
I listen to the chatter of the nurses and wait.
It won't be too long. My doc is good about that. She always tells me I wait too long and that it would be easier on me if I would come in more often.
It won't be long. I am so cold
I wish I was bleeding on the out side instead of this pain on the inside.
I lay there and shiver. I hate the ER

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